Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
