I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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