I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
