Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
