At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
