I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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