it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
