im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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