i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
