did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize