If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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