Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
