I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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