Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
