my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
