I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
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So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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