I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
