I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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