did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
