Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
