Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
