Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love having hate sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
