Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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