why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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