so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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