You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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