So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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