Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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