Where did you get a picture of my penis
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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