I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
