If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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