You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
