It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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