Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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