And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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