If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
