So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
