Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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