i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
