dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
