I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need water and some morals
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize