she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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