some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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