Plan B is the new Plan A
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
