I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
