I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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