Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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