nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
why is half of my head shaved?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
