So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
