Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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