Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
