Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
