then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
