Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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