we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
