So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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