cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
