have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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