Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
