yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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