oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
