When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
