would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
