can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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