By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
