where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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